Welcome back to our discussions about Creating The Relationships Of Your Dreams. When we came together to think about our call, the topic that was listed in the program was the last subject on earth this one wanted to talk about, because the very engaged relationship that has been challenging him recently was once again causing him angst, and he was reaching the point of saying enough is enough .. and goodbye. And so of course it’s a perfect subject to get into, because his present life experience has all of the ingredients you all have with managing your relationships. So let’s rephrase our question even more poignantly. Is it ever appropriate to just give up, and if so, how do you go about ending it?
Let’s start with those words we’ve been repeating on our calls. The stark truth about relationships, is that if you’re intersecting with another person in ways that are not loving and supportive, then that’s because you’re not a match to being loved and supported by that person, or to loving and supporting them. We say “stark truth” because that’s what it is. We know it always seems easier for you to see the cause of the discord as “out there”, to put the blame on that other person, and if you can get past that sometimes not-so-obvious nonsense, the next wrestling match becomes, what do I have to DO to fix this problem? To which we say once again, it’s not about DOing. It’s about thinking. It’s not How-To, it’s Think-To.
If emotions are running high, then we would say .. first up ..STOP because this is going to be a fantastic opportunity for you to seriously come to grips with the art of creating what you want. And so there you have the first internal question. What do you want? What do you really, really want? And after you’ve reached an assessment of that, then you can move to a subsequent series of internal questions. What would that look like? What would that feel like? What are the things in your future that will result from making this change in the way you think. And then we suggest you get into the BEingness of it. and into practicing that BEingness into a world of Peace and Power, and Fun and Freedom?
Here’s what we can promise you. If you’re in a relationship that’s troubling you, then you haven’t honestly answered those internal questions. And if you do answer them honestly, and you take the time to begin to imagine yourself into that new version of the world, then the original questions you had about giving up and how to best go about ending it, become irrelevant. You will have put yourself on a slippery slope in the best possible way, because you will slide easily and gracefully into a reality which matches your desires. And here’s the best part. The process will be painless. Creative flow is never a struggle or a grind that you have to get through. It’s always a joyful path.
What also becomes irrelevant is whether this particular relationship continues, or a new one emerges, or new multiple ones emerge, because you have stopped trying to manipulate the actors in your movie to bring about the outcomes you are seeking. You have focused on what you want in the sure and certain knowledge that those actors of yours will all start reading from the new screenplay, and whatever way the plot twists and turns, it will always “miraculously” end up being a fun adventure that takes you to where you want to be, and even beyond that to where you next want to be, and then beyond that again. We say again, it’s a “slippery slope in the best possible way”.
We know we’re describing this as fundamentally simple, and that’s because it is. We also know that most of you have spent a lifetime practicing the belief that that world “out there” is real, and those people “out there” are complex, and you’ve found and adopted some strategies for surviving in that world and dealing with those people as best you can. We say no big deal. But even if you intellectually get how simple the Universe really is, changing those long-practiced thought habits isn’t necessarily easy. It takes determination. It takes commitment to staying the course. But you CAN do it.
Over the last few days, as we began collaborating with this one in the construction of this discussion, he was struggling mightily in his relationship with his friend whom he was trying to help. He was in dismay, and in spite of all the techniques he knows and we have all shared together in this community, he just couldn’t bring himself to be able to start with any of them. Now we’re going to describe how, on this particular occasion, he came out of it – not because it’s a silver bullet, but because your natural state is well-being, and there’s always a way up and out. One strategy might work on one particular occasion, and a different one on another. On this occasion, this worked for him.
He went downstairs and watched some mindless television .. without much change. He watched some more mindless television .. the gloom persisted. Then he literally forced himself to listen to one of our 10-minute “This is who you are” audios. There was a small lift. Then he did it again. There was another small lift. He listened to it six times .. and he was on his way out of the hole. Then he watched himself thinking about his friend, about how much he had cemented the unwanted pieces of that relationship into his movie, and he noticed the descent beginning again. Then he went through the what-do-you-want and what-would- that-be-like questions we posed above .. and the calm returned.
The rest of the day was OK. He was out of the hole and there was potential for something new. Then later, he was on the Create-Your-Life graduate call with Cathy and Giora. As he often does on these Friday calls, he was trying out in advance the ideas contained in the theme for the week and building them into a guided visualization. Normally, because he is managing the call, he doesn’t get deeply into the process himself, but on this occasion, it was dramatic. Let’s take you through the process, and then we’ll get into his experience. Take some time now and think about these things.
Remember firstly the simple, elegant (and we would say .. non-head-spinning) truth about who you are.
You’re a consciousness that is part of the Collective Consciousness of Source. Source is like a river, and you are a tributary that feeds into and flows from that river. You are a part of the endless stream that is God. It is fundamentally true about you across all realms in a timeless Universe. This is the only thing that you are and can ever be, and yet it is everything. This is not a choice. It is the ultimate, absolute, fundamental, essential truth of who you are.
You exist as a thought. What you choose to think creates you and your worlds. Everything is as you choose it to be. Your desires and intentions, and your chosen beliefs and expectations, shape the individuation that is you, and the context that surrounds you is a mirror of those beliefs and expectations. You exist as a thought, and everything that exists around you, exists as a thought. It is those thoughts that create the physical you in this physical world. Each new thought makes a powerful difference. This is not a choice. This is the Law Of Attraction. It’s the organizing principle of everything that exists.
Beyond those absolutes, everything is a choice. Even as this particular extension of you is an action-oriented being in an action-oriented world, it is you and you alone that shapes this world by the belief-choices you make. It is your personal, unique creation, and everything and everyone in it exists within the boundaries created by your choices. You can change anything in your world by (1) changing what you choose to believe about it, and then (2) practicing that belief until you are consciously and subconsciously aligned with it.
Good. Next .. think of a relationship you have that is troubling you.
Think of the image you have of that person – the image that is literally defining who they are. Now what do you want? Begin to construct the image of that person as you would have them be. Just briefly here, let yourself notice the difference in those two competing images, the old and the new, but bring yourself to focus on the new one. And as you do, notice how that image is inextricably bound up in the image you have of yourself. You can’t change them without changing you. Think of how things would be if these new images became reality. Let yourself get into it. Think of how things ARE now that these new images have become reality. Remember, each new thought makes a powerful difference. Feel that difference. Good.
So that’s the process this one was leading yesterday, and this is what happened. As he was speaking, he was almost startled by the image of his friend that came to him. He described it later as more of a feeling than an image, but whatever it was, it was huge. He saw the relationship as it could be – as one of the most powerful things he could experience. It was joyful. It was pure compassion. It was love .. and he experienced it profoundly. It instantly changed his whole internal-speak about the relationship. It opened up a whole new world of possibilities.
So what’s the take-way from all of this? Two things.
1. Is the relationship this one has with his friend now totally changed forever. Perhaps not .. but you cannot go through an experience like that without positive movement towards confidently creating more and more of what you want. We say again, it’s a “slippery slope in the best possible way”. And ..
2. There is no one-size-fits-all magic pill for this. Take all these processes with a grain of salt, which is to say, make them your own. And as you do so, and as you practice yourself into a new version of you, so the better it gets, the better it gets. On occasion you will step into a hole, and on occasion, you will come rescue yourself .. and it will surprise and delight you.
And we of course are always here for you. Or rather, we are there for you .. inside of you!